“Be careful how you interpret the world: it really is like that.” ~ Erich Heller ~
I choose my beliefs carefully. I’ve spent a lifetime curating them, deciding what fits me best, what works well, and what just doesn’t align with who I want to be. It’s a daily practice, a habit really, of paying attention to the direction of my thoughts. Every single morning before dawn, I tip toe downstairs, make a pot of coffee, and get settled in at my desk in the dark, pre-dawn hours. I open up my heart and I journal out my fears. I journal my worries. I fall deep into gratitude and I dream. I dream about who I want to be. I dream about the life I want to live. I allow myself to imagine what’s possible and I allow myself access the deepest desires of my heart without censorship or judgement. I connect with God. I ask, and listen, and allow whatever is inside of me to come forth, onto the page. It isn’t pretty. It’s mostly rambling, jumbled thoughts but it’s clear to me. It’s a divine clarity that keeps me grounded and focused and ready to tackle the day. I leave that time with a clear picture of who I am, who I want to be, and what I hope to achieve.
Getting clarity is only the beginning. It’s the foundation of building myself (and my life) intentionally.
I used to believe the world operated a certain way, that there were universal laws that applied to everyone. Unavoidable, immovable, rules about what was true and possible. I thought I had to act a certain way, achieve a certain way, follow a certain path, and live according to predetermined rules. Today, I make the fucking rules. And so do you.
We are a victim of the rules we live by and every day, in every way, we create our own rules by choosing what to believe. Einstein said “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” This has nothing to do with the universe of course and everything to do with our beliefs about how the universe operates. If we see the glass half empty, glass half full, through rose colored glasses, or believe it’s my way or the highway….it will be true.
Think of the people you know. Think about their beliefs, their actions, and their results. I bet there are people you know who are lazy, entitled, expect things to work out in their favor, and somehow, it always does. Whether or not you believe they deserve it is besides the point, the fact is, life works out as they expect it to.
Conversely, I bet there are people who work really hard, believe in noble sacrifice and struggle, and believe there’s never enough…and so they barely get by.
Who is right? They both are. They both decide how to experience the world through choosing their beliefs. The world responds accordingly.
We spend a lot of time and energy arguing about how it should be, about what’s fair and what isn’t, instead of just accepting the truth….everyone creates the world they live in.
If Donald Trump doesn’t inspire you to believe in the power to create your own reality, nothing will. That man decides what he wants to believe, real or not, and it becomes his reality. He doesn’t play by anyone rules but his own, and it works. Love him or hate him, you can’t deny he lives on his terms.
So I have to ask, if our beliefs determine our reality and create the rules that dictate our experiences, why the hell aren’t more of us choosing what to believe (so we can have a better experience)? Why aren’t we rewriting the rules for how we want the world to be instead of accepting it as we think it is?
Because we don’t realize how powerful we really are. Maybe we believe in the power of positivity. Maybe we acknowledge that our attitudes determine our experiences. But deep down we don’t really believe we have control over how the world ultimately works.
But what if we did?
Let’s ReWrite the Rules
How different would life be if we had the power to decide, create, and live by our own rules? What rules would you write? How would you choose to experience the world?
I can’t do it….becomes…..I can do anything
I don’t have enough time…..becomes…..I have more than enough time
It’s harder for me than other women……becomes…..it’s easy for me
No one wants to hire someone my age…becomes….My experience and skills are invaluable
I’ll never make more money…..becomes….I always have more than enough money
I can’t lose the weight no matter what I do……becomes….I lose weight easily
Don’t you see that you are already creating the rules? That you already are creating your reality. Do you hear the bullshit you are choosing to make true? Bullshit like “I can’t do it, it’s too hard, I never have time.”
If that’s what you believe, then that is what is true for you.
Why do you choose to believe such lies about who you are and what you’re capable of? Why are you co-creating a shitty reality with your thoughts and words?
Because you are stuck. You are so fucking stuck you cannot see how getting out or changing this reality is possible. You’ve tried “everything” and yet nothing works so you resign yourself to what is, instead of what could be. You tell yourself it is just how it is and you hand over your power to change it. You decide, you BELIEVE that it’s out of your control (and so it is).
What if you went to the gym and busted your ass every damn day but then came home and ate copious amounts of pizza, ice cream and beer. And when the scale didn’t budget you said “the gym isn’t working. I can’t lose weight no matter what I do so I’m just going to stop working out.”
Seems ridiculous right? I mean, of course it “didn’t work” because you didn’t address the real issue (excessive pizza, ice cream, and beer). Instead of acknowledging and addressing the true culprit, you pointed to your gym efforts, decide they weren’t working, and gave yourself a comfortable excuse to stop working out.
Giving up, settling for what is, and blaming circumstances you believe are out of your control is easier than making real change. It is easier than identifying and addressing the real issue.
We will choose a comfortable, shitty, reality over the discomfort of growing beyond it.
Decide What’s Possible
Someone who believes they “can’t lose weight no matter what” will point to what they’ve tried and say “see, I tried, it’s not enough, it doesn’t work, I can’t lose weight” and will lean into the comfortable complacency that insulates them from having to do any deeper work.
Someone who believes “losing weight is easy” will point to what they’ve tried and say, “hmmmm, this doesn’t appear to be working, how CAN I make it work? What else can I change? What am I not doing I should be?” And then they’ll do some digging, they’ll get honest with themselves and take a deeper look at their actions (and inactions) and realize, “hmm, maybe I should cut back on this pizza, ice cream and beer”
And when they do, voila! One small change and they’ll experience that rapid, easy weight loss they always believed was possible. Their belief led them towards uncovering the simple change that made it easy. Because they believed there was an easy answer they allowed themselves to keep looking until they found it.
If you believe you’re in control of your life and if you believe you can have what you desire, then you will find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.
Our beliefs inspire our actions and our actions determine our experiences and our experiences build our life.
If you want to know what you believe is possible, look at your actions. Are they aligned? Are you falling back on comfortable excuses to keep you from facing reality? Are you taking the easy way out to avoid doing real work, and then blaming circumstances beyond your control?
If we believe we are in control of our life, then we also have to take responsibility for it and that can be a hard, uncomfortable truth. As tough as it may be though, it is ultimately liberating. We are free. We can choose to be free from mediocrity, we can choose to be free from struggle, we can choose to be free from doubt, fear, and worry.
We get to choose the rules we live by and we get to create lives we love.
Are you ready? Are you ready to let go of the old rules, even if it’s a little painful, a little uncomfortable, a little awkward at first? Are you ready to let imagination create your life instead of fear?
You’ve heard it said a million times, that all good things live outside of our comfort zone. It’s true.
As one of my favorite poets, Anais Nin says, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
When staying stuck in a life that isn’t working is more painful than the discomfort of finding a better way, then anything is possible.
It’s your reality momma, make it a good one.