Perspective that can only come from pain

This morning I sat in a Starbucks, sneaking an extra cup of coffee before heading to the gym.

The sun slanted through the shop window, the air rich with fresh brewed coffee and the exhilaration of a brand new year.

I sighed a deep sigh of contentment and then it hit me…

“I GET to do this.”

I get to wake up each day and run my life, my way.

I get to decide to shift my schedule or stop for coffee or meander through Home Goods whenever I choose. 

I get to build a purpose based business from my passion.

The journey IS the destination, yes I know this, but today I felt it.

I felt overwhelming gratitude.

I felt the privilege of being here at this exact moment on this day back to the “real world” after the holidays, a day when most people are getting up to their alarms and begrudgingly heading back to the office or somewhere they don’t want to go.

Last year was the hardest of my life. I spent nearly half the year healing, meeting all of my monsters, and going into the depths of a lifetime of shit that needed to be faced, felt, and released.

My courage was replaced with fear.

My eagerness with cautiousness.

 My trust with anxiety.

My mind and body demanded I stop, everything…and wait.

And when I thought I had waited enough, I waited some more. 

Waited to feel “normal.”

Waited to want to work.

Waited to feel safe and sassy and like myself again.

Waited to be inspired.

I let my business fall apart, no longer willing to do it the way I had and no longer willing to put my needs on the back burner in the name of “success.”

My income fell 50% from the previous year (my worst year in business since year 1).

It felt like everything came apart at the seams…my body, my business, my belief in who I was.

Today I felt the solid, strong woman that was forged in last year’s flames. 

I felt her wisdom and resiliency and profound appreciation for every.last.drop of pain.

I felt her, ME, the woman who is going to take it from here, the strong (but soft), wise (but wild), passionate woman who is finally ready to carry the big dreams I’ve been chasing for the past 5 years.

I thanked God for every broken hearted plea for salvation that didn’t come, because I learned to save myself.

Nothing has changed, and yet everything has.

I was the one I was waiting for.

My word for 2024 is UNCONDITIONAL.

I will follow my heart and my voice and my knowing UNCONDITIONALLY.

I will feel rich, abundant, powerful, successful, and well paid UNCONDITIONALLY

I will feel hot and sexy and desired and loved UNCONDITIONALLY

I will live…UNCONDITIONALLY

Unconditionally. Without conditions.

Without needing anything outside of me to feel what I want to feel and to be who I know myself to be.

I’m not sure what 2024 will bring.

I don’t know how my business will come together again (or won’t) or what my “brand” will be or how much money I’ll make…and for the first time in my entire life I can confidently say none of it matters.

Because you can’t lose when you’ve already won.

Today sipping my Starbucks…I felt like the richest, my successful, happiest woman in the world.

And that, babe is real success. 

Whatever you went through or are going through, say "thank you."  Know that the woman you are becoming is holding space for you on the other side.  

She believes in you.

She knows this is necessary.

She isn't afraid, even if you are.

There's a perspective that can only be born from pain, a beauty available for those who've faced the ugly.

Your peace is coming. It will be worth ever thing you're going through. I promise.

Happy new year.