DEAR VIVIENNE

A LETTER TO MY DAUGHTER AND ALL YOUNG GIRLS

As for my girls, I’ll raise them to think they breathe fire.” ~ Jessica Kirkland ~

Dear Vivienne,

The day you were born I knew I had to do better.  I gazed into your bright eyes and inhaled the earthy, pungent smell of new life still fresh on your waxy skin. You arrived precisely when I needed to step into my own new life…. a life that wasn’t limited by my fears, my need to please, or other’s expectations. As I thought of all the things I wanted to tell you, I knew instead it was time for me to become the mother you deserved. I knew if I wanted you to have courage, believe in yourself, show up for your dreams, make your own rules, and live without apology that I first needed to have courage, believe in myself, show up for my dreams, make my own rules, and live without apology.  I knew that you would always be watching, even when you weren’t listening.

Over these last 4 years, I’ve been intentionally working to grow into that woman.

It hasn’t been easy.

My journey has been rocky, uncomfortable, a little scary, terribly lonely, and absolutely worth it.

I’ve watched people I adore fall away and out of my life. I’ve pissed off dozens more by having a voice AND the audacity to use it.  I’ve been criticised, mocked, shamed, scorned and insulted. I’ve cried alone more times than I can count. I’ve also been liberated, inspired, empowered, and mobilized to show up regardless.

I can’t turn around who I am becoming. I can’t claim to choose me and my dreams and then surround myself with people who don’t understand. I can’t fall back into self deprecating habits because it makes others more comfortable. I can’t pretend I’m the same when I’m different. I love them. I miss them. But I love me and who I am becoming more.

“The woman you are becoming will cost you people, relationships, spaces, and material things. Choose her over everything.”

Vivienne, I hope that you won’t waste so many years, as I did, seeking acceptance and searching for the secret to belonging. The secret my dear is to never waste a moment trying to fit in when you were born to stand out.  I hope you have the courage to be unapologetically you in a world hell bent on making you feel never enough. You are enough.

Choose your friends carefully, for who we surround ourselves with we become. Fill your life with ideas and experiences that inspire and fill you up.  Read interesting books, travel to new places, talk to different people, and choose to see the good in the world. Do not let fear lead you astray, it will certainly try.  Fear will pretend to have your best interests at heart, but its only interest is keeping itself alive. Let it die.

Run wild little girl but slow down enough to see all the good that surrounds you.   Choose optimism, gratitude, forgiveness and acceptance and you will know abundance beyond your wildest dreams. See the world as you wish it was and so it will be.

Make art for art’s sake, create, and never stop growing your imagination. Use your wild mind to dream beyond your current circumstances and then get to work making everything you want a reality.  Do not apologize for your desires. Sometimes the most powerful thing a woman can do is stop explaining herself.

There are no rules except the ones you make.  You get to decide who you are. You get to decide what matters to you.  You get to decide how to spend your time, who to share your energy with, and what success looks like. Many will disagree with your choices, some vehemently, but always remember their opinion does not need to be your truth.  Take care of your soul, never forget who you are, and listen to your inner voice above all others.

Vivie, you are such a bright light. You shine exactly who you are, without apology, for all the world to see.  Do not let insecurity, comparison, or jealousy make you ever dim that light. Some will say you’re too much. I say those aren’t your people. Stay lit up. Take that fire and be a lighthouse in a dark world.  Better yet, use it to burn down all the paradigms and power structures that want to keep you small, silent, and self-sacrificing. Be loud, make some noise, and always stand up for what’s right. It’s okay to make people mad and you certainly don’t need to be liked by everyone. In fact, if everyone likes you, you’re probably doing far too much to please others and far too little to please yourself.  

Know your worth and that you never need to prove anything to anyone.

And always, always remember you were made for greatness.

Love Mom